From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
He shit in the fireplace
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Randomize
