Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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