i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
