Do you still have your period?
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
