I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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