Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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