I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
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I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
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He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
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