After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
