I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
