Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
