Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
