I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
So vagazzling was a success
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
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