u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
