I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
are you so shy because you have an std?
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
