i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
