Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
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