Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
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