I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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