Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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