the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
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