I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
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