I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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