Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
