This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
