am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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