If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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