she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
