today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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