the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
