Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
