Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
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