I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
