My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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