There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
