Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
