Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
