well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
