I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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