yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
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