I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
