The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Let's get the cat blown out
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
