Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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