He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I stole a fireplace last night.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Randomize
