i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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