glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
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