biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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