I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
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Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
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