just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
