I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Damn victory sex feels great
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
