happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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