cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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