There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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