This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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