Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
