I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
