clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Randomize
